Why - and how - to ignore nasty emails
You’d think one email isn’t worth ruining a relationship or project, yet it happens every day.
Normally, easy-going people go scorched earth — talking trash about a general contractor or project owner, gossiping about the other contractors, or sending scathing replies in response to a simple request.
As a project manager, super, executive, or owner, you have the power to build awesome relationships and projects despite the nasty emails you get. If you are able to respond professionally and keep your team focused, you will avoid problems, prove that you are not like other contractors, and everyone will be a lot happier.
In my experience, there are a few ways to really leverage the power of ignoring nasty messages. First, here are some common mistakes people make when they get an unpleasant email:
Reacting immediately: Just because construction is a fast-paced industry doesn’t mean you should always trust — and act on — your immediate reaction. I could retire if I had a dollar for the number of times I saw someone freak out because they read an email or text wrong.
Telling themselves stories: As humans, we only see the world through our lens. Naturally, we take the information we see in that lens and start making assumptions about everything we can’t see. We talk to a PM one time, don’t like his tone, and then go back to our office and have an email sitting in our inbox from him. He doesn’t seem to say anything bad, but now the tone of his email seems off.
So, we tell everyone in the office to watch out for this guy — he is out to get us. Meanwhile, the guy was having a bad day, and his email was innocuous. If you’re not aware of it, you can create some seriously unnecessary conflict by telling yourself stories that probably aren’t true.
Assuming conflict is the only way: Unfortunately, conflict is so ingrained in construction that most people go into every job, project meeting, or office visit assuming fighting is the only way to survive. Then it becomes a vicious cycle where team members create friction because they think it’s the only option, generating more conflict. It especially happens over email.
How to respond
Ignoring a rude or annoying email and staying professional requires a change in mindset combined with the right habits. Here are some tips on how to respond:
Take a deep breath: When you get an upsetting email, stop and take a deep breath. Was it really that bad? Do I really need to freak out? Use your breathing to remind yourself of the type of person you want to be.
Move your body: Get up and walk the job site, take a stroll around your office, and stretch your arms at your desk. Reading the email sent a pang of negative energy and anxiety into your body. Moving helps release it.
Put yourself in their shoes: Also known as “practicing empathy,” imagine you’re the person who sent you the email. What is it like to be them? What kind of pressure are they under? How could I have added to that pressure? Try to understand their perspective. It will help a lot.
Look at the big picture: Odds are you are building a years-long, multimillion-dollar project with this person. You will need to talk to each other almost every day throughout that process. Once you start to paint that bigger picture … do you really want to do something nasty in return?
Pick up the phone: Pick up the dang phone and talk to the person directly. Most of the time, you misread something or assumed a tone that wasn’t there. You can sort out all those problems on the phone without ever getting into a heated fight. Then, send your documented email response.
Emails are one of the most important modes of communication in construction. Make sure that you and your team respond to them in a professional manner.
Spark Notes:
One poorly written or misread email can ruin relationships or projects, but you have the power to rise above it and keep things professional.
People often make mistakes like reacting immediately, telling themselves unfounded stories, or assuming conflict is unavoidable, creating unnecessary friction.
To handle nasty emails effectively, pause to breathe, move your body to release negative energy, and try to empathize with the sender’s perspective.
Focus on the big picture, maintain professionalism, and whenever possible, pick up the phone to resolve misunderstandings before they escalate.
