It’s time to say what needs to be said.
Read this to learn to have hard conversations without making stuff weird and ruining relationships.
It does you no good to let people perform below expectations.
No matter your title—Owner, Vice President, APM, PM, Super, to name a few—you must learn to say what needs to be said.
Most people hate having these types of hard conversations—ones where they must correct someone else’s behavior—because they are worried it will ruin the relationship.
But in most cases, I’ve found that’s not the case. In fact, the opposite often happens: people are grateful you helped them find a blind spot and gave them the information to get better.
Today, I want to give you a framework for saying what needs to be said the right way so that you can get the benefits of having a team that shares feedback constantly. It is one of the best things you can do to make your organization run better. So, let’s talk about how to do it.
The STATE Framework
I learned this framework from the book Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler. The problem is simple:
We often do a poor job of having hard conversations because we lead with emotions instead of facts. Then, we act like our opinion is right, which makes the person receiving the hard feedback defensive.
For example:
Something happens: One of our subordinates doesn’t get his material order to the shop soon enough to get it onsite.
We tell a story: “This is the 3rd time this has happened this year! This is ridiculous. I can’t trust him.”
It makes us feel a way: Scared, Angry, Worried, Frustrated
We act on it: We get silent. We stop giving him important projects. We make snarky comments about him behind closed doors. We do his work for him.
When we are in this loop, we can’t effectively say what needs to be said. Why? Because we’re emotional and delusional, and the feedback won’t land or help. So we missed a huge opportunity and probably started gossiping, corroding our organization even more than the poor performance in the first place.
When you are getting caught in this trap, instead of giving up and not saying what needs to be said, take a step back and follow the STATE framework:
S: Share your facts – start with FACTS, not emotions.
T: Tell your story – communicate the story you’re telling yourself.
A: Ask for other’s paths – ask for the other person’s perception of what happened.
T: Talk tentatively – use language that shows you are not 100% certain your story is right.
E: Encourage Testing – ask the other person to challenge your theory and provide other ideas.
In practice, here’s what that looks like:
Share Your Facts: “Stephen, I saw that you didn’t get that big order to the shop last week and from what I hear, the shop isn’t going to be able to get it on site by the scheduled date.”
Tell Your Story: “I know you care about our company, so that’s not my concern at all. But the story I’m telling myself is I don’t think you understand the impact that a miss like that has on the business, and it’s making me wonder if you can handle large projects like this one in the future.”
Ask for other’s path: “Can you tell me what’s going on?”
Talk tentatively: Using phrases like, “I think”, “It’s making me wonder”, “I’m not sure”, is key.
Encourage testing: “If I’m missing something, please share it with me!”
The STATE Framework is great for saying what needs to be said because it’s designed to create a safe space to hear feedback. When we feel safe, we don’t mind getting hard feedback. We like hearing it and want to grow from it.
If you can learn this skill, I promise your organization will be 100x better off, more profitable, and your people will be so much happier. It feels good to be held accountable—if you do it the right way.
Spark Notes:
In my time consulting with construction companies, I believe the #1 problem keeping most of them from reaching their goals is not saying what needs to be said.
When people don’t say what needs to be said:
There’s conflict
There’s gossip
People get annoyed, stop doing their job, and the whole team suffers
If you want to effectively say what needs to be said so that your company thrives on a culture of accountability and feedback, then try using the STATE Framework in your next hard conversation.
You won’t believe how much more comfortable you feel having hard conversations, and you’ll love watching your organization get better as a result.
And if you need help guaranteeing your success, we’d be happy to help.
