Overcoming your fear and being the best version of you
A quick guide to finding happiness in a scary world
2 years ago, I was 99% of the way to burning out.
Which was weird, because I was 28 years old, recently promoted to Vice President of Preconstruction & Sales, winning $1M+ bids consistently, and gaining notoriety on LinkedIn. By all traditional measures of success—status, power, money, achievement—I was doing great.
Yet I wasn’t happy.
And I couldn’t figure out why.
Until finally, my mentor helped me see that I was using the wrong measurement of success. I was motivated by fear of not being good enough, so I kept trying to get more. With more came more “success,” but because my drive was based on fear, so was my success.
So, I totally overhauled the way I viewed success. And 2 years later, it’s led to the best mind space I’ve ever been in.
In my experience working with construction professionals around the country, many are going through the same fear cycle and could use help breaking out of it. So, today, I want to share the 2 phases I went through—Overcoming Fear and Defining Success—that helped me go from burnout to happiness. I believe they can help you do the same.
Let’s jump in.
Overcoming Fear
Fear is lonely.
Fear is the feeling that you are not good enough or don’t have enough (money, power, influence, achievement, etc.). If you want to overcome fear, the first thing you have to do is address it head-on: you must admit that you’re scared. You must allow yourself to accept that fear of failure has been driving you for many years. And you must be able to forgive yourself for it. Because it means you’re just like everyone else.
Fear is a powerful motivator, and it can lead you to getting a lot of good things done. But there’s nothing stopping you from dropping fear as your primary means of motivation and switching to happiness.
In Buddhism, there is a concept called Selective Watering. Basically, the seeds we water in our minds and hearts are what grow inside of us. So, when we are constantly watering seeds of fear, fear grows inside of us. Conversely, when we water happiness, happiness grows inside of us. It’s beautifully simple, but it’s true.
When considering how to overcome fear, you’re really considering how to bring happiness into your life. As you start paying attention to happiness, some of those fears of not having enough start fading away. And start being replaced by an energy driven by the light and positivity of happiness.
Happiness is not lonely. Happiness is the light that overcomes the darkness of fear.
Defining Success
As you overcome fear, it becomes important to determine your own definition of success.
For me, that used to be making everyone around me happy and impressed, so that they would think I was good enough and smart enough. Therefore, I spent all my time focused on what other people thought about me. It was miserable because it’s impossible to make everyone happy. Which meant I was rarely really happy.
Now, I measure success by being able to be with my wife, friends, or family as much as I can. This means that I have time, space, presence, and means to be with them as much as possible. So, instead of worrying what other people think about me, I make sure I am doing the things I need to be doing to be available to those people.
Don’t get me wrong: I still get caught trying to prove my worth to others all the time. I get tricked back into the fear loop. And I make mistakes along the way. But now I know that that’s okay. Because once I recognize it, I can break out of it. And get back to focusing on the things that truly matter.
Changing my internal definition of success changed the way I measure myself.
Now, happiness rules over fear as much as possible.
And I plan to keep working every day to make it even better.
I hope you can do the same.
Spark Notes:
Most people are motivated by fear.
And that’s okay.
But if you want to escape negative fear loops in your life, you have to face it head on. You must:
Address fear
Accept fear
Forgive yourself
Define success
Pursue it relentlessly
Life is too short to be miserable.
There’s too much good to see, hear, and feel.
So, get started today. I promise you won’t regret it.
